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i'm feeling green like teenage lovers between the sheets.. [entries|friends|calendar]

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god works in mysterious ways. [26 May 2006|05:46am]
[ mood | awake ]

so last night i went to my first "intermediate" session of yoga with dayna. it went great. she was impressed, and it really was a cleansing experiance..although i would have liked it more if my clealiness wasnt so slippery. but thats beside the point.

i drove home to find an envelope on my desk. it was an acceptance letter to a summer camp thing i applied to. over 160 countries, and 50 states submit application..and only 2,000 can get in. i got into my first choice program, writing of course. it made me smile. my parents went to bed early, in a not coherent state. i swear they treated westie as their second child..so i took a shower and went to sleep. although i half awoke to my mom stumbling in my room at midnight and crawling up next to me. she has such a big heart, and stuff like this hits her hard. especially since shes been overworking a lot lately..and once again her health is in a questionable state. not really sure whats wrong. but then again, thats how her health always is. just odd, thats all.

so i told my mom today about it, and she was happy for me. she even told me she would use some of her money that shes had put away to pay for it. its a week camp in the summer, at the uri campus. i really cant wait. and it was just the sort of catch ya by surprise that i needed last night. gotta love karma.

♥ ♥ ♥

westie got put to sleep this afternoon [25 May 2006|04:35pm]
i cant believe how stupid i am. i knew he wasnt coming back today, i knew it. i felt it. and i just ignored him. and its horrible, because i wont be able to see him again. and what sucks is, he didnt even know what was happening. how the hell is it fucking fair to end his life without telling him, without letting me know. i miss him. a lot. i just cant imagine my house without him in it, without his collar clanging around, or him jumping up on my bed and falling asleep at my heels. i loved him so much. and i know how many times i say it, or how many times i pathetically wail it wont change. but i cant help it. its just instinct.

this fucking sucks. im going to yoga tonight. i need it. i cant take my mom crying anymore, or being alone at home..because now when im home alone there really is no one else there to accompany me.

rest in peace mon petite chien. <3

at least sleep is forever sound.
♥ ♥ ♥

[24 May 2006|04:33pm]
[ mood | sore ]

nick burned me ltj's new albumn. it's a great second wind for them. i was about to lose faith in their musical abilities, but i have converted back to their skaliciousness. yeah, its so good im willing to sound even more lamer and loserish than normal. so deal. and listen. a lot.

mm, so my knees are basically swollen, and sore. and im sick of them. thankfully i start physical therapy soon, beacause just walking around in the halls today was killing me. fucking track workouts. and degenerate knee conditions. and i feel so lazy la la la.

idk why im writing. seriouslly. dont even waste your time reading this. its pointless. but being pointless is what im good at so ill leave this here anyway. just because.

oh and ive finally declared kevin smith as one of my writing heroes. prolly because ive spent the last two days watching clerks and chasing amy. if you dont know what im talking about..shame on you. but its okay. go watch mallrats and fall in love with his geniusness. im such a sucker for satirical irony. oh, and scenes where arrogant chicks screw dead ol guys in bathrooms of d-b marts. pretty radical stuff. yesh, this is done.

♥ ♥ ♥

so hold me close, and watch me as I sleep.. [21 May 2006|10:48am]
[ mood | calm ]

mhm. school is almost over, and now im almost a junior and apparantly a legal driver in the united states, who is unemployed unmotivated and unimaginably free spirited. so that is about all that is offered right now in this time and place, other than the impending doom of outdoor states, alternate assesment projects, westie, and effin portfolio. i havent taken my camera out in months. i havent written anything of pleasure for about 3. and slowly but surely im slippin in to that copasetic indifference which catches up to every here there and everywhere person eventually. and this is why george bush must never remove the arts and humanities from school, or i may have to leave the country. in all seriousness. london perhaps. because without them, that sense of yearning to create and grow is lost. and we all become calculators with meak attire, and gray stone faces. color will become lost. tis a shame. art, it's like one of those quinsiessential moments which fill you up with present life more than past or future can ever obtain from you.

i love those moments. where everything falls together perfectly. it just flows. and it all becomes right. and nothing is more true. and every second longer ties you up more and more and its beauty. mm, i've only experianced three of those moments. one of them being last night. and it takes away all the worries on my mind, and leaves me calm and composed. just sleepy, calm, and composed. and it makes everything just so worth while.

♥ ♥ ♥

[19 Apr 2006|10:51pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

gosh darn you elliott and your pensive underlying tones..

so yes, i have succombed to a livejournal addiction. i thought it was dead and over with, but alas i am here typing up random thoughts to clear my mind of randomness so i can sleep and not wake up whispering zimbawhe, or in a restaurant with no people. being permiscuous. or something odd of that sort. -deep sigh- yanno i never wear the same socks, even when i try. like now i have one grey toed, and the other with a pink line. i think its subconsiously symbolic for something..other than my lack of spelling and organization skills. in all actuality i do feel mismatched..80-85% of the time. like things are going good, but it seems like bits and pieces from another's life, and not my own. or like i'm taking someone or something away from the potential of a greater meeting.

i think i have come to the conclusion that i will probally end up being one of those crazy split personalitied old ladies..who likes to wear sun hats. ha, but its okay. cause ill drag lepps with me so she can rattle on, and linny so we can increase the bustline of the room, and court so we can have some old age romance, and terace and her cane with her crush on that good lookin orderly..and yeah, totally rip off golden girls, and sex and the city all at once!

wow, i wonder what its like to be sane. hm. ah well. off to bed.

♥ ♥ ♥

[25 Feb 2006|10:37pm]
this vacation. cooked with jeff. <3 walked around thayer. picked up a frank sinatra and clash vinyl for dirt cheap!. fell in love with thumbsucker cause yanno i was lacking a lot of social interaction & had to manifest some sort of minor obsession. hung out with alphie. ate brownies. did a lot of tae-bo. walked a lot. designed a messengar bag. rented a lot of movies. wrote a lot. went out for dinner with my parents. played out sufjan steven's record and drank tea.

its so sad how i'm gonna long for these idle days once school starts. it makes ya think a lot. mm. the end.
♥ ♥ ♥

i heart green tea. [25 Feb 2006|10:17pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

i looked down the edge of my teacup,
and stared away at eternity..
it flipped around and turned itself to stare right back at me.
i watched the corners of my eyes
form foggy diamonds.
and the breaths of my sighs
form tidal waves.
i even tipped the edges of my perception
but it still didn't wash my reflection clean.
and a sip of forever was tasted,
yet the present still clung to my lips..
so i sat and swallowed
the taste of the future with haste.
but nothing filled in the gaps of breath that were taken
while the caffeine was pouring into my veins..
so the water turned cold like december,
and my grip hardened up like frozen trees,
and in the end all that was left in my teacup
was just a lonely ol' image of me.

♥ ♥ ♥

[15 Feb 2006|05:53pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

met with gayle again today. shes gonna be the one whos directing my play..i'm wicked pshyced about..

OH! and yanno C. Thomas Howell aka, that cutie from the outsiders who stabs a kid, and the badass in secret admirer, and the indian look black guy in black face?!..okay maybe you don't but i do, and that man completes my life. and one of the directors there is friends with him and i made a whole outsiders reference in regards to him and she turns around and was like I WAS JUST IN A MOVIE WITH HIM. that's so cool that you like him. hes nice. ill show you some pictures of him sometime.

and i was just like, wow. can life get any more exciting.

♥ ♥ ♥

[11 Feb 2006|02:31pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

wow, so im officially suspended from school. killer huh. i was marked absent in a class which i was present in by a sub, and got assigned an office detention which i never received, and missed saturday detention today since i was never informed. wow, cassie is such a badass. like stop her from missing her unassigned assigned detentions ever again.

yeah, so im getting to school early on monday..with my dad..and i'm gonna straighten this ridiculous shit out.

on the plus side, i had an amazingly fun time last night. the meet went well i dropped five seconds off my time and came in 4th place. which is good. and then proceeded to go to cescas in my sweats. i was so hyped i danced for like the last three hours. haha, that was a sight to see..im-a insane on the dance floor..but not in that cool way, in the boy how many swinging fatalities as she caused tonight way. luckily there were only a couple of bumped knees, and stepped toes. AND I DID THE CHARLESTON WITH DAN OLSEN! haha, that made my night right there..

along with the pushy fortune teller moving her rain stick.

♥ ♥ ♥

[29 Jan 2006|09:58pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]

saturday at 10 im meeting with my mentor gail. at starbucks. it's so cliche. i love it. <3

almost as much as exclamation points. and bearhugs.

♥ ♥ ♥

basket of worrrms. [22 Jan 2006|01:49pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]

oh, and i saw my brother last night. mommy got upset. dad got confused. and i was sifted through. the usual procedure.

♥ ♥ ♥

[11 Jan 2006|01:32am]
[ mood | complacent ]

i was just so sick of it.


♥ ♥ ♥

mixing.. [08 Jan 2006|01:08pm]
william it was really nothing | the smiths
sleep | dandy warhols
the high party | ted leo and the pharmacists
dry the rain | the beta band
angel's wings | social distortion
never slept so soundly | rx bandits
i am always the one who calls | pedro the lion
everybody is someone | lifehouse
brothers on a hotel bed | death cab for cutie
bent on broken nerves | commander venus
the night i lost the will to fight | cursive
a hole in the world | thursday
be yourself | audioslave
maryland bridge | the weakerthans
no ordinary love | deftones
babe | glassjaw
kiss and makeup | skindred
♥ ♥ ♥

as power hungry egocentrics; we'll paper fight the night away.. [08 Jan 2006|12:20pm]
[ mood | exanimate ]

i saw saw the other night. was quite clever, although i already had the pleasure of hearing the ending from joe madonna last year the weekend it came out...it was still good. it made me laugh how bad the cops, and hospital security was. it makes me feel all safe inside and totally never wanting to associate with orderlies. ever.

today i have to find the time to do my timeline..and go over some history flashcards again for the test tomorrow before i go to alphie's. i'm looking forward to it. she's one of those people who always gives the oppurtunity of cheerfulness and losery entertaining pastimes..like cleaning the floor by dancing on dish rags. mm. ^-^ if i could bottle up a smile, it would have her inside. ha, bottled children. im-a threat to society! hahahah. yep.

so auditions for the spring play are tonight. it should be entertaining. time to enter the hispanic world of "Bocon"..now with sobbing spirits, bulky folders, and crazy chain smokers! woohoo.


♥ ♥ ♥

[05 Jan 2006|09:05pm]
[ mood | sickish? ]

the meet went well. pr'ed with 3:19. better than i thought i did, but not as good as i wanna be. case in point, great starting point for a season.

my stomach hurts. i think im getting the bug ma mere just got over. -.- i'm praying that i can at least get through tomorrow if that's the case.

i dont wanna be sick. although, it would be nice to get out of this whole bio timeline thing which i frankly have no clue how to start. well. perhaps i do, but er, the pain is overwhelming?

yeah, sure.

♥ ♥ ♥

accidents mean no one's guility, ignorance means someone's killed. [04 Jan 2006|08:26pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]

it's amazing what some sing songy, and guitar solos can do. oh music, you are my antidote to teenage drama and sporatic leg pains.

i'm glad you liked my mix terace. :) i wish i could bring a boombox to gym though..it'd be so much more enthralling. but ay, that's what mini mp3 players are for!

mm, track meet tomorrow. i actually am looking forward to getting away on a circular sufrace for a bit. i'm running the 1000m. it's my favorite, and it's a dual meet which means another perfect chance to qualify for states. plus i've recently added some songs onto my lil music box for a nice relaxing car ride home. all i need is my fleece blanket in my track bag to lull me to sleep. it'll be a good night.

-sigh- i'm so calm i really don't wanna move. ah well, on to some vocab and telephone calls. oh and random note, somehow over x-mas breaks filled with garden salads and tons of oatmeal raisin cookies and potatoes i've lost 4 1/2 pounds? o.0 very odd. odd indeed. hm, perhaps i should write a book. cause yanno i'm way cooler than dr. phil.


♥ ♥ ♥

[29 Dec 2005|03:01pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

breathing sucks today. i've sound like some creature from the crypt all morning..hacking and gagging dustballs from my throat. it's quite sexy indeed.

i bought running clothes today, and a new shirt..its GREEN. colors make me happy. plus, even i am getting quite tired of the brownish. it can only go on for so long.

i feel like im stalking lindsay stickel. i've called her house around 4 times, paged her cell, and left a message. i hope she's not ignoring me or something, cause if she is then i must appear to be quite irritating. ha, imagine that. DOESNT SHE GET IT ALREADY. oi. but if she's not ignoring me and my phone calls, and is like sleeping or something, -shakes head- i swear i'm gonna gag all over her and give her whatever disease i've contracted.

lalala. it's dreary outside, and it reminds me of a realistic tim burton film.

♥ ♥ ♥

[28 Dec 2005|07:50pm]
[ mood | content ]

i can be quite childish at times. sorry bout that, but the random ranting makes me fell better. perhaps next time i won't post it over the internet though. that would be nicer. yes indeed.

ive been quite restless today. the majority of today was spent laying down after track practice. i've been sickish lately and decided not to let it evolve into a sickness. so i relaxed, for a couple of hours of doing nothing but receiving radiation from tv sets. i couldn't take it. so i baked a cake. i dont like cakes as much as pies. they fall apart too easily, and i have little patience. so after that i transitioned to reading my friend leonard, the sequel to a million little pieces it's good although now, i see james as being a bit of a kitty if you catch my drift, but i suppose it's good he's lost his hardcore appeal. yay for sober druggies with sucky love lives!

my shoulders are tense. i think its from the dancing eighth notes, and all the re-runs of the surreal life cluttering my head. hm, i have a random urge to watch "my best friend's wedding". not sure why. i think it's cause somehow that together forever tune has found it's way into my mind too. oi. my feets tapping now. -rolls eyes and laughs- i really hate not moving. i think im-a go take some nyquil now.

♥ ♥ ♥

oh how dreadful it is to be a unloved teen. -heavy sigh- like romeo, with tight pants, and a vagina. [28 Dec 2005|05:09pm]
[ mood | cynical ]


oh, look. i exist.

ha, what do ya know..it's famazing like, bleeding hearts and ambulances! ahh. :o

well i would love to stay longer but my schedule is packed. i still gotta rub more eyeliner under my eyes and drink a couple more bottles of vodka down if i wanna be plastered enough to cry myself to sleep in this pathetic hour of a night..and then wake up hung over enough to hate myself tomorrow morning. -sigh- like woah. -flips bangs over eyes-<+3



..and this is where i tell you not to waste your precious breaths.
♥ ♥ ♥

i get weirder by the day. [09 Dec 2005|10:58pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

oh crap. im coughin again. i swear if i get pneumonia again, im-a be pissed off. last time i woke up in a fever sweat and lost my voice from coughing for a whole damn weekend. -sigh- ahh well, sickness is inevitable in the winter time anyway. better off just getting over with it i suppose.

mhm, so perhaps ill purchase some dayquil from now on. although i have to say that i have not felt as at ease/mellow as i do now in quite a while..it was in some odd way nice walkin around half awake today. just like the random drager rubbing of my head to wake me up in vitulli's room. and and, nick finding himself a pair of gloves in mercedes hood and then giving em to me, and being regarded as one of the "older/experienced" girls for advice at a track meet, and er..MY NEW WAY BETTER DIGITAL CAMERA which was returned in place of my broken one which was out of stock sadly, but leaving me way better off. like that blonde stripper with that old geezer of a husband, nicole something or other..im sure linny can finish that name for me, i'm not too concearned on pop culture references as of right now..who's nice in bed and all, but won't really be any use to her until he dies and leaves her with lots of crap, oh yeah a will! was looking for that word. but anyways..

yes, apparantly a lot of weridly awesome unexpected things are happening lately. way to go with the flow ay? now if only all you debators out there do amazing tomorrow, that will totally make my weekend. specially since i was snowed out of yemi's party..:( ahh well, good luck to you all. <3

♥ ♥ ♥

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